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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy on a bike zooms past us. I swear, he almost took my foot off! I yelled something like, “Hey, watch it, Speed Racer!” Oleg laughed, but I was still fuming. Like, dude, it’s not a racetrack!

Cigarette barons, stop in your tracks: Vladyslav Helzin’s illegal cigarette factory is under the sights of law enforcement